• 

I have a few friends who often stop by unannounced, which should be okay, since we’re friends. Unfortunately, I find that I am upset and very happy to see them leave most of the time because they don’t treat my space as I expect them to. You know, it’s common courtesy to leave a place as you meet it or even better, but no, these guys throw my cushions about, wear dusty shoes on my rug and they litter. I mean, there’s a sign at the door which boldly says “SHOES GO HERE” and a trash can in obvious view, my apartment is tiny!

After they left one time, I realized that wasn’t the first time their visit had left me on edge and it probably wasn’t going to be the last. I also realized that they were being themselves for the most part, howbeit selfish, they liked to let loose in a friendly space at my expense. It’s not the worst thing but it wasn’t helping our relationship and it took my realizing my fault to fix it some. On that note I’ll like to jog your memory with this chorus from Micheal Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”?

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that change”

The thing about relationships these days, whether romantic relationships or friendships or even family relationships, is that you’re so quick to assume that everyone thinks on the same wavelength as you and so “they should know”. Unfortunately, what they do know and what you want them to know might just be at polar opposites. You’d be a dreamer to expect all the pieces to fit just because you hit it off good at first. Relationships take work so basing your goals on split second Instagram images is a rather unrealistic agenda.

You need to realize and acknowledge that the person you’re in a relationship with is an individual with a personality and opinions that are not similar to yours.
If you’re going to get the best out of a relationship then you must understand this and take it to heart.

Once you’ve been able to accept that, the forward way is to fix yourself and your expectations. Here are a few suggestions to apply to get the best out of your relationships
• Work on yourself first, acknowledge that you are not perfect and may come off as upsetting to your friends from time to time too. Know your weaknesses and strengths, so that you’re a compliment in the relationship rather than a liability.
• Work on identifying the issues with yourself that your friends have complained about. More often than not you waive them aside and that’s how you have multiple instances of the same thing. Once you’re able to identify this trait that puts your friends off you’re one step closer to sorting it out.
• Work on your communications skills because it helps to be able to properly articulate your feelings and pass your message across clearly. It also reduces the chances of delving into silent treatments which do more harm than good.
Understand that your friends have minds of their own and are unique individuals with opinions and feelings that are valid, just like you. Stop expecting you from them.
• Love yourself. More than anything else loving yourself allows you to decide what is good for you or not and that makes it easy for you to choose who or what to commit to.
• Lastly, choose yourself, deliberately. Don’t make compromises you’re not invested in, or that can hurt you or that to you being used. It might breeds bitterness that leads to resentment which is bad for any relationship. Be comfortable with whatever decisions you make in your relationships, like if and when your friends can stop by.

There you have it! These are a few thoughts on how to have better relationships. So, what are your own thoughts or questions? Put them up in the comments section so we can discuss and don’t forget to share this with someone who needs it.